The Coast is Clear

I’ve actually had no sign of tall dark and slender for the past month, I think he’s gonna show soon though. He’d really been on my ass until I came here.  The lack of Slendy has been great, I've really been able to do a lot of stuff in the past month.

I had an epiphany; on the off chance that another ‘Target’ sees me in character... They’ll either think I’m LEGIT and panic or attack me; both of which would suck a lot. Hasn’t happened yet, and I haven’t noticed anybody really freak out beyond the norm when they see me. The odds of coming into random contact happening are slim though, since I doubt there are that many Targets in the world.

I am sound of mind

Okay, I realize I sound a little... Strange, ranting about how “I AM TEH SLENDUR MAN BLARGZ!” and I really hope that doesn’t unnerve anybody. I heard was that he has human ‘Minion’ dudes or whatever everyone else is calling them to do his bidding. They became that way after he apparently mindfucked them somehow. I never encountered them myself, but I hear they can get pretty dangerous. I don’t think he’s in my head or anything. Thankfully the last time I had blackouts or any of the symptoms of becoming one was a long time ago, before I became took on his Identity. I find it kind of curious how little trouble I’ve had since becoming him. No nightmares, no black outs, no illness. The only thing I really have to deal with is Slendy himself. I wonder why I haven’t been harassed by the Minions so far? Slendy himself can tell I’m not the real deal (duh), but do THEY think I am? I have no idea.

Either way I hope I never have to deal with them. Who knows? Maybe they ARE fooled and haven’t messed with me yet because they think I’m just their boss, and instead they keep looking for me elsewhere. Maybe… Anyways, just wanted to establish that I don’t think the Slender Suit is ‘Corrupting’ my mind or anything.

The Slender Suit

If you haven’t yet realized this is the EPIC SAGA (lol) of a person who went on a weeklong ‘Slender Binge’ and ended up becoming ‘Targeted’ and paranoid, you fail. However I fail too as I just realized I made a pointless rant about myself that I would never dare to utter in person. Such is the magic of internet. Anyways, I noticed all the other Targeted folks seemed to be doing blogs and it seems to help a few of them out, so I’ve temporarily set aside my laziness (especially with writing) and see what I can offer (but mostly what I can gain). Yeah, that’s my reasoning. Selfish right? Plus I can establish a web of allies in the event I need help, or in the event someone else needs it too. Not sure what I can bring to the table but I hope it’s valuable in some way. Yeah, that's what I decided was my reason for starting this blog. It fits my personality best and makes sense to me.

But regardless, when I first realized it was happening, I went through the regular stages of denial, and it took him coming close enough to see his no-face to make me believe. I fucking freaked like you wouldn’t believe. I was paranoid as a motherfuck, especially since I’m so freaked out by darkness and being alone in the first place. It was VERY rough for a while, I literally, LITERALLY expected him to jump out of any shadow at any moment, or to turn around or even blink and find him there. It was rough (wow repetitive). I surrounded myself with people at every opportunity I got, and never turned out the lights. I would always go to bed after locking everything up and positioning myself so that I couldn’t be taken by surprise, and I’d always have a butter knife or heavy object with me. I would hide under a blanket with a hole that I could peek out of and quietly panic myself to sleep. It was a nightmare existence. It still is.

Nowadays though, I have the Slender Suit to protect me. The thought “I am The Slender Man” is strangely empowering and calming. I feel like I can handle it when he comes after me, and my head is clear. I almost never have nightmares or any of the other things happen to me. He’s not so terrifying when I’m just as terrifying as he is. I just make as vicious a face as I can behind my mask, tense my muscles, and concentrate on giving off a dangerous vibe, and it will be enough to repel him.

Not.

It doesn’t even faze him so I still have to run the fuck away; I just repel him in my mind (it’s a comfort thing). Of course I know that I haven’t changed in any way myself, but it’s what works for me since I’m not naturally courageous like others facing Slender Man. I never take the costume off unless I absolutely have to. I have a spare suit and the mask is easily replaced (honestly all I have to do is go to any fabric store), so I can still be the Slender Man while I do laundry. Taking a shower and eating are always a tense and quick affair since I don’t want to be without my protection any longer than necessary.

So anyways, I’m well suited to acting (I did some theater), I love costumes (It’s really fun), and by taking on Slendy’s appearance I gain some of his perceived mental attributes (I become my character). Thus the idea of dressing up like the Slender Man is pretty well suited to me. Don’t get me wrong; it isn’t just me wanting to be weird and randomly wear a costume, since at first I figured that he might actually FALL for my disguise or something. He didn’t fall for it in the slightest, so at this point I’m more concerned about people around me being disturbed and getting the cops than anything else. I kept on wearing the Slender Suit after the initial failure to trick him because it was somewhat fun and I gained a mental advantage from it. I still ran for my life and shit, but I wasn’t PANICKING anymore.

It works for me and it keeps me safe. I know I’m okay as long as I’m the Slender Man.

I am the Lonely Chameleon

Hello, I started this blog to.. Well, I guess I don't really know why I made it. I guess I thought I could connect to others in my position? Or maybe I could find emotional support and friendship on the internet? I just don't know, either one makes sense knowing me.

I used to go to school, play video games, hang out with friends, go on dates, play sports, do theater, etc.

That is, I did in the past.

Nowadays, I go around wearing a black suit and a skintight mask that makes me look faceless. Why in the world would I do this? Because I’m being “Targeted” by a being known as The Slender Man. Things like being stalked by a faceless abomination tend to really mess with you. On every level.

I can’t stay in one place long enough to do college and I can’t afford it as I am. I can’t afford to lug around my video games while on the run. I can’t make friends because I’ll always have to leave them. I can’t have a relationship because they could be put in danger by my presence. I can’t play football now that I’ve abandoned my schooling. The only thing I can still do is act.

Act strong. Act fearless. Act like I can handle this. Act like the Slender Man.

I had the idea a while back because I thought it might repel him or something. Didn't work in the slightest, but I grew fond of his identity quickly. So I took it as my own.

On a more personal subject: I never had a high opinion of myself, and usually it’s not an unfounded belief. I am a really lazy person, and I tend to be squeamish about pain and gross stuff. Also I hesitate a lot, and become brain-locked under pressure sometimes. The only people skills I really have are a scattered arsenal I picked up through observing and copying others; meaning that on the surface I can usually hold a conversation pretty well. If people get to know me long enough or well enough though, they can start to tell I’m not normal. That I don't really have a personality of my own. The worst part is I can usually tell when they start to notice it, and there's nothing I can do to stop it. It's always the same too, no matter how nice or outgoing and caring they may be. They distance themselves from me, and I become isolated. Eventually I just stopped trying, and deluded myself into contentment with this lonely state. I just don't let myself get upset about it anymore.

For all my flaws I’ve got a pretty good idea of who I am, and I’ve always entertained the fantasy of becoming a better person. I actively feign humbleness, honesty etc. because they are virtues that people value in others. Hell, I can often manage to deceive or delude MYSELF into believing stuff. For example, I might say I liked somebody or respected them, even though I really don’t. Just a normal white-lie right? Not really, because I manage to convince myself that I do, and only in retrospect am I able to figure out what I was really feeling or thinking. I dunno; maybe it’s normal, maybe it’s not. I might just be spouting pointless bullshit.

I put on a number of different personalities depending on my surroundings, I’m a follower as opposed to leader, and I desperately wish to be a normal guy. I like doing theater, and acting like someone completely different. I can actually feel and empathize with the emotions of my characters more than I can my own. The atmosphere and flair you find in theater is amazing, and all the people are so naturally crazy and expressive like I attempt to be. It's symbolic of my true self I guess; how I always would rather be someone else. Someone who actually gets to feel sadness and joy for others instead of having to fake it. Someone who can really connect with others on more than just the surface. Someone who isn't so pitifully lonely. But there's nothing I can really do.

I can't change my true colors, I can only cover them up with another shade.

I am the Lonely Chameleon.